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Dumb games

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Pretty much dawinism in game form,

where speed, agility, and accuracy are frowned upon.


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the Mullet Olympics

The pinnacle of Athletic achievement with a beer in your hand

The rules are simple, and the games are outrageous.  Best with teams of four fighting for eternal glory, endless bragging rights, and the chance to claim the gold. Here’s the breakdown:

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Louisville Chugger

A game for the steady.


Two wiffle ball bats with the bottoms cut off

Cans of beer

The set up:

The two wiffle ball bats are filled with one can of beer each, and the empty cans are given to the pitchers. The batters will use the wiffle ball bats to hit the empty cans, and the catchers will throw any missed cans back to the pitchers.

How to play:

At the count of 3-2-1-GO! both batters will chug the beer from the end of their wiffle ball bats, places the bats on the ground, and spin around 10 times with their foreheads touching the bat handle. Once they have completed 10 rotations, with the catcher counting out loud, the pitcher will toss the empty beer can for the batter to hit. The batter will have as many attempts as necessary to make contact with the can, and the catcher will return all missed cans to the pitcher. Once the batter makes contact, they will switch positions until all players on the team have successful hit the can as the batter.

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High Noon

A game for the sturdy.


Two cans of American beer

10 paces worth of space in both direction in an area that can get beer-wet

The set up:

Gunslingers are positioned back to back with their seconds to their side. They will required ~40 feet of room and a space that can absorb some moisture.

How to play:

A gunslinger and a second are selected from both teams.  The gunslingers are equipped with an unopened american beer, and a fuckton of courage, standing back to back.  The seconds are stationed immediately next to the gunslingers, also holding an unopened american beer.  At the instruction of a judge, the gunslingers will take 10 paces away from each other while seconds remain put.  After 10 paces, the gunslingers will turn around, chug their beer, crush the cans, and throw the empty cans at their opponent gunslinger.  Hitting any part of your opponent will result in victory.  If both throws miss their target, the second can provide a reload to the gunslinger in one of two ways: 1) by tossing the full beer from their location to the gunslinger, or 2) by chugging the beer themselves, crushing the can, and throwing the empty can to their teammate gunslinger.  The gunslinger will then have a second opportunity to hit their opponent.  If both teams a still unsuccessful, the match will be determined a draw and the other two teammates will fill in, this time counting 9 paces.  If the secondary team of gunslinger and their second are unsuccessful, then the original team will switch places and take 8 paces.  So on and so forth until the distance matches your low level of athleticism.

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Slip & Flip

A game for the slippy.


A large tarp placed on a soft surface

Soap and water

A table suitable for flip cup

Enough beer

A solo cup for everyone play

The set up:

A tarp is laid out on a soft surface (preferrably grass) with a hose running to it and it should be covered in dish soap to increase the likelihood of breaking the sound barrier. A table is set up 10-15 feet away with beer and solo cups for everyone to play flip cup.

How to play:

The two teams will be positioned on opposite sides of the table with red solo cups filled to the bottom indentation with american beer..  The players closest to the tarp will go first.  The will begin with a “down, up, down” salute, where they simultaneously tap the table with their solo cups (“down”), cheers their cups (“up”), tap the table once more (“down”), before drinking the contents.  Once the beer is gone, the players will set their cups upright on the side of the table and “flip” the cups to land upside-down on the table.  Once successful, the players will dash for the tarp, slide to the end, then run back and tag the next player in line.  The next player will immediately drink their beer and flip their cups before running to the tarp.  This is repeated until all four players have completed the relay.  The team that finishes first wins.

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Backyard Jousing

A game for the surefooted.


Space to play, preferable grass.


Teams square off against someone from the other team with similar heigh/weight/will to dominate. One player from each team grasps the hand of the player from the other team, with both player’s index fingers pointing outwards.

How to play:

At the count of 3-2-1-GO! both players will attempt to touch their index finger to any part of their opponents body.  This game should be played last.